Mondays' References: Adolescent Depression, and others

It's Monday and it feels like Monday - lots of challenges or maybe it's just that my digestion is out of whack and I feel lousy! Ugh! I get a lot of info and a lot of ideas around the issues related to mental health, mental illness and families. So I thought I would put together a couple of some of the more important references and referrals for a quick look.
First, from a friend who is a constant and effective activist for children's mental health: The United States Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) recommendations on Depression Screenings for Adolescents. This group is urging physicians across America to routinely screen adolescents between the ages of 12 to 18 years old when appropriate services are in place for diagnosis, treatment and follow-up. THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION SO PLEASE CHECK IT OUT.
Do you know about Mental Health America? Check them out for lots of great info, ideas, and referrals - plus they are having a conference in DC in June.
NAMI has introduced a Family Guide: Reinvesting in the Community: A Family Guide to Expanding Home and Community-Based Mental Health Services and Supports. This will inform families about the importance of expanding the home and community-based supports available to children and youth with mental illness and their families.
So, check these out and I'll catch up with you later in the week...

Manipulation or desperation - SMI Children Need Help

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve had more than one mother I know reach out for
help to the NAMI Parent Network in search of support and answers about how to cope with their mentally ill child. Sometimes, the child is an adult who has “burned bridges” and drained savings. Sometimes, the child is an adolescent who living at home, pushes boundaries that are normal for teens and at the same time is making choices that we know are detrimental to their search for independence and autonomy.
As caring parents, there is no relief from our belief that we are the default provider for our children. We made that commitment the day those little bundles of pink or blue were placed in our arms. So what can we do?
I offer the following list as my “guide posts”. They are not carved in stone. They help me cope. In my view it is not a question of manipulation or desperation - whatever they are doing, they are asking for help. Whether we give it is the burden we carry every day because we live with the fact that if something happens, maybe we could have prevented it.

1. Admit that we have little control with adolescents and no control after the age of 18.
2. Have a limit in our mind of how much of our savings, retirement, and family resources we can commit to their struggle and make a plan about how to optimize that figure. (This is something we can have control over. And it is a plan, so we can amend it if we want/need to.) PS: Don’t spend all your savings and retirement. I remind myself by thinking of the instructions on a plane for oxygen masks – “put the mask on yourself first”.
3. Learn EVERYTHING we can about the illness by reading, participating and talking with anyone and everyone who has a piece of the answer.
4. Let them try things and fail – this is especially important for teens. Mistakes are an opportunity to learn. Don’t deny them the opportunity.
5. Give them opportunities to be “normal”. Even in the midst of a crisis it’s important to recognize that we can capture moments of peace, love and laughter. And these moments can sustain us for times when we struggle. And make sure it’s what’s “normal” for them – even if it’s Rocky Horror Picture Show.
6. Psychosis requires special approaches including medication for most. But understand other approaches for those times when the Rx isn’t effective.
7. When our children are a threat to themselves or others, we should get professional support to navigate the options. In the meantime, for your own suicide coping education, find a local QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer) Class.

Loving them is the easy part, helping them is our challenge.

The Freefall of Accepting Change

There was no Easter celebration this year...no baskets, no colored eggs, no special feast and no church. It wasn't a crisis, just the inevitable change in family patterns that happen when kids move away to start their own lives. It's what we parents say we want, "they need to grow up ...fend for themselves,... start their own lives..." but when one of your kids is diagnosed with a serious mental illness, or probably any illness, suddenly what you "always wanted" dissolves into thin air and what you thought would happen is replaced by what you thought would never happen; psycotropic medications, therapy, self injury, drugs and alcohol and sometimes attempts on their own lives. Because they are sick, they might be unrecognizable, irrational, irritable, and occassionally psychotic. They also are witnessing the loss of their own life...the life they thought they would have. Because we are parents or loved ones, we do whatever we can...haggle with insurance companies, haggle with school systems, research medications, sit with them, join NAMI. But we are often no match to the challenges ahead. I don't know of any more difficult change in a family. Serious mental illness can be a future of treacherous experiences. The beginning of recovery in our family meant accepting the changes in our lives, letting go of what we thought would be our life, and maintaining our love and committment to each other. It all mattered, but sustaining her with our belief that she could master these challenges and allowing her to attempt and sometimes fail was our "freefall".