The Freefall of Accepting Change

There was no Easter celebration this year...no baskets, no colored eggs, no special feast and no church. It wasn't a crisis, just the inevitable change in family patterns that happen when kids move away to start their own lives. It's what we parents say we want, "they need to grow up ...fend for themselves,... start their own lives..." but when one of your kids is diagnosed with a serious mental illness, or probably any illness, suddenly what you "always wanted" dissolves into thin air and what you thought would happen is replaced by what you thought would never happen; psycotropic medications, therapy, self injury, drugs and alcohol and sometimes attempts on their own lives. Because they are sick, they might be unrecognizable, irrational, irritable, and occassionally psychotic. They also are witnessing the loss of their own life...the life they thought they would have. Because we are parents or loved ones, we do whatever we can...haggle with insurance companies, haggle with school systems, research medications, sit with them, join NAMI. But we are often no match to the challenges ahead. I don't know of any more difficult change in a family. Serious mental illness can be a future of treacherous experiences. The beginning of recovery in our family meant accepting the changes in our lives, letting go of what we thought would be our life, and maintaining our love and committment to each other. It all mattered, but sustaining her with our belief that she could master these challenges and allowing her to attempt and sometimes fail was our "freefall".