"Letting go" of a child with serious mental illness

There isn't a specific day that I recall that it was suddenly apparent to me that my teen had a serious mental illness. Like the most difficult puzzle, pieces began falling into place, their shape and color unfamiliar and frightening. I do remember when a psychiatrist looked at all three of us and said, "I'm going to help you." My husband and I wept with relief. She was getting SSI but there was basically no help from the public system - so we paid. We spent our dearly saved money with abandon because we would have done almost anything to help her. Because my husband had taught parenting classes based on the book, Positive Discipline, we knew that we could not control her and her having a serious mental illness didn't change that. Like using carrots to draw a horse closer to you, we knew that the only power we had to influence her recovery was to make sure that she wanted our input. I've always believed that my children (all 4) would define what success meant to them, so I think I was more open than a lot of parents about the life she might create. We refused to talk about disabilities - our focus was her strengths and gifts and how to bring those forward. "Challenges" became adaptations for the life that she could have. So we treated her as we always had - we just had to include considerations for things like: medication, coping with school schedules, mood swings, an unfamiliar peer group, and perceptions that were sometimes skewed. We searched for resources for teens - they basically didn't exist. We were on our own and we knew it. She did eventually attend an in house residential program for co-occurring disorders. Even though she was under 18, we gave her the choice of attending so that if she succeeded it would be her success - not ours. She said "Yes". They helped give her tools for her recovery toolbox. When she came home we began adding other tools to support her in her quest for independence. By our "letting go", bit by bit she began to develop skills and successes that slowly built her confidence and self esteem. Little by little she took back her life.