There are a pair of doves building a nest in the grape arbor off my deck. Like the birds of peace they carry their twigs, threads, and our springer's fur softly in their tiny beaks as they prepare a place for their babies. It's wonderful and hopeful and reminds me of our family preparing for the births of our babies. We worked to make everything perfect for our babies - miracles of our love made real. But the really hard part of parenting is that no matter what you do or how much you prepare and protect, eventually that baby says their first "No!" and toddles off because they know they need to start their own life. The protection we instinctively give now becomes their burden and sometimes their handicap and if we aren't careful...it can "debilitate" them.
Their struggle is not only their illness, but sometimes it is us. Because we are afraid and our fear limits our ability to trust their decisions. We fear the life threatening choices that our kids may make: crime, sex, drugs, homelessness, gambling, credit card debt, and violence towards others and themselves. But does our fear prevent us from offering them opportunities that could lead to individuation and accomplishment? Their developmental path might not be linear and the progress they make might seem out of the range of what we label "normal" - whatever that is. But as parent's of SMI children we are challenged to understand what other's can't, to trust when other's will label and discriminate and to guide our children toward independence in spite of our fear AND experiences. It's up to us to recognize our limitations and frailties, because giving our children the opportunity to fail, is also giving them the opportunity to succeed. And it is those experiences that build strength, resiliency and independence.
I hope you all have a great Mother's Day. Simple or extravagant, I hope it is filled with hope, confidence and love. You are a good Mother.
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